


Should've Spoken Sooner

by highlytrainedfangirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Love Confession, M/M, Then fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-20
Updated: 2016-08-21
Packaged: 2018-08-09 23:58:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7822285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/highlytrainedfangirl/pseuds/highlytrainedfangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas falls into in coma while on a hunt and Dean talks to him while he's sleeping</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Dean was done with hunting. He was so fucking done.  
Cas was lying on one of the narrow beds in the motel him and Sam had been staying in. Cas’ body was lifeless. His eyes were closed and he could've been mistaken for sleeping. Except it looked wrong. The way that Cas was lying perfectly straight looked wrong. The way his hands fell limply at his sides was wrong. The way his chest remained perfectly still was wrong.  
He was still alive, they knew that much, but he looked so close to death. There was a fear wrapped around Dean, one he felt all too often. So many times, he had come close to losing Cas. He couldn't lose him again.

It was so messed up. It was supposed to be an easy job, just dealing with a witch who'd been screwing around with the locals. Cas had joined them not long after arriving in the town and neither him nor Sam had the heart to do anything other than let him stay. Finding the witch’s house had been simple enough, but she'd realised that there were hunters after her and freaked out.  
As soon as the three of them were inside the house she cast a spell that had them all falling to the floor. Sam and Dean awoke about ten minutes later, sore from a hard landing on the wooden boards. Cas did not.

It had been two days and he was still sleeping. Whatever the spell was it seemed to affect angels a lot worse than it did humans. Dean was so used to angels being resistant to things that would normally kill humans, he didn't even think to consider that it could work the other way round.  
Sam was out, busy trying to work out what the hell had been done to Cas, trying to find any way to reverse it. Dean should've been out too, he knew that, but he couldn't tear himself away from the angel’s bedside. He was so scared to leave him alone for more than a few seconds and had only slept over the past few days after Sam insisted. They weren't sure how long Cas would be able to survive in his position and Dean couldn't risk leaving him alone.  
He was sitting, silently, holding onto one of Cas’ too-cool hands, trying to focus on the positives, the faint warmth the flesh still held. Calloused finger tips traced small patters across the back of the hand.  
“Please, Cas, I don't know if you can hear me, but just… just wake up. Ok? Please buddy, I think I'm losing my mind here.”  
The small wooden chair creaked in complaint as it was dragged as close to the bedside as possible.  
Several moments passed beforeDean fell asleep, one cool hand still enveloped in two warmed ones.

Two hours later, Sam still wasn't back. Dean drifted back into consciousness reluctantly, greeted by the sight of a still frozen Cas. Every time he looked at that empty face, memories of every time he nearly lost him came flooding back. But this time was different, because Dean could _see_ him. Cas was _right there_. Dean could hold him if he wanted to because Cas was right in front of him. Yet, at the same time, he wasn't. He could still see him, but Cas wasn't really there in the room with him.  
Leaning closer Dean began talking to him, hoping it would help to calm him.  
“It's gonna be fine, Cas. Sam’s still out, but he will find a cure or counter spell or whatever. Sammy always manages to find something.” He paused and let his fingers resume drawing patterns over the angel’s skin. “You'll be fine. You'll be fine.”  
Dean continued talking to Cas, rambling about anything and everything. It did help, talking to Cas, pretending he could hear. But it only made it hurt worse when he couldn't respond  
Eventually, Dean let himself open up..  
“Y’know I've wanted to say something to you for a while now, but I've never been able to find the right moment. We've always been in the middle of trying to stop the end of the freaking world and there never seemed like a good time to say it…” He trailed off, before finding his voice again, “look, I'm not good at talking about emotions and stuff,” he let out a small, dry laugh. “Hell, it took until you were in a freaking coma before I was able to talk to you properly.”  
Dean paused again to plan out the words he was about to say, as if he hadn't already done it a thousand times before. As he thought, he brought the hand he held up, so that he was holding it just in front of his mouth, as if to kiss it. He hesitated a moment before gently dropping it back to the bed.  
“I wish I'd stopped putting it off. I wish I'd said it at a different time, a better time. I love you. I love you, Cas. And I'm sorry I've never said it sooner. But I'm not good at stuff like this. I'm not. I've tried talking about my emotions, but I always wimp out. I'm sorry.  
God, if you were awake right now I'd never be able to say any of this.”

Another half an hour had passed and Sam had briefly come back, but he'd left again shortly afterwards to buy food. They'd both been neglecting doing so ever since they brought Cas back.  
“I looked, but from what I could tell the only thing we can do right now is wait. The spell should wear off.”  
_but after how long?_  
The question remained unanswered.  
The new information really wasn't helping. The spell _should_ wear off. But the way that Sam had said it told Dean that he really meant _it already should have_.  
Back to waiting. Back to hoping.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed before he started talking again, “I don't know how long I've loved you. Probably a lot longer than I realised. But I know it was from fairly early on. When all that shit with the apocalypse first started we met so may angels, but there was something… different about you. When you betrayed them for me, I… You really were different. As I came to know you more and I saw how much you cared. For years I think I've just been falling harder and harder and Cas, I don't know how to stop.  
I wish I could tell you all of this when you're not… I know it's stupid but I'm scared. I've loved people before, I loved Lisa. But I've never loved someone this much. And you're an angel. A freaking angel. You've lived for millions of years, why, _how_ could you ever love a human like me. Especially me. I don't deserve to love an angel.”

It was a strange sensation, pouring his heart out to Cas. He'd needed to talk to someone for so long, but always held himself back. Once he started to open up it was like a flood, he couldn't hold any of it back any more.  
There was a light feeling in his chest that he'd never experienced before. Finally the words he'd wanted to say to Cas had been spoken. They were out there, free in the world.  
If only he could let his words be free when Cas was able to hear them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a whole page of ideas that I want to write and I noticed that I've kinda been neglecting spn, so I'm finally writing more fics in that fandom
> 
> Enjoy:)  
> (Don't worry things will start to get happier)


	2. Chapter 2

Cas’ thoughts were hazy, a dark fog was clouding his brain. Occasionally it would clear and he would be able to hear what was going on around him, but it only lasted for a short amount of time. Ultimately he would fade back to unconsciousness. 

In the moments that Cas could hear he tried to focus on the voices above him, hoping it would help drag him out of whatever state he was in. The first time he ‘awoke’, it was to what sounded like arguing. He could easy recognise the voice of an enraged Dean, shortly follow by an anxious-sounding Sam. It took several seconds for the words to become clear enough to understand.  
“What the hell are we supposed to do Sam? I mean whatever she did must have been pretty freaking powerful to leave an angel unconscious.”  
“Well, we could try tracking her down. Y’know make her give us something to wake him up or reverse it or whatever.”  
“Dude she bolted the moment we hit the floor. She could be in a different state at this point.”  
The discussion continued but the words were becoming harder to distinguish. It sounded like he was being dragged underwater, the sounds becoming increasingly muffled, until he could hear nothing.

He knew he'd fallen asleep because he couldn't remember anything at all and it felt like no time had passed by the time he next heard talking. Dean was rambling, talking directly to him, “look man, it's been over a day. Could you just, wake up? Or move? Just do something, please.” His voice was low and quiet and edge to it that Cas took a moment to realise meant that Dean was upset.  
Rather than dwelling on why his current state was affecting Dean so much, he focused on the words. It was only after Dean said it that he realised he hadn't moved. He couldn't. Even when he was ‘awake’ he still couldn't even twitch a finger or lift an eyelid. His mind was active but his body was trapped in slumber.  
How had it been over a day? Angels didn't sleep. He didn't need to, so what was this? He'd certainly never experienced anything like it. Then, he remembered that humans sometimes went into comas. Was that what this was? Could angels even go into comas?  
It was so frustrating not being able to do anything to find the answers.

“Hey,” Cas awoke this time to Sam’s voice. He was barely speaking above a whisper and his tone sounded cautious. “It's freaked both of us out seeing you like this, but my brother especially. He really cares about you Cas and he's not in a good place right now.”  
The was a short pause and Cas was scared that he might be falling asleep again, when Sam spoke up. “He's sleeping now, for the first time in the past two days. I mean, it's not like Dean hasn't gone longer when we've been in the middle of case. But the whole time he's been awake he's just been sitting here next to you. This is the first time I've been able to get him to even move.”  
Cas felt his stomach drop at the words. Dean was sad. Dean was hurting because of him. If the hunter wasn't sleeping, or even moving from his bedside, things could not be good. Yet, despite everything the pair had been through, it came as shock to realise that Dean cared for him this much. 

This time Cas had been awake for a while. Dean would ramble about a random topic for a few minutes before lapsing into silence. Each time he did so, Cas still felt a jolt of panic that maybe he was blacking out again, but the presence of Dean beside helped him to remain calm. When Dean started talking again, he latched desperately onto the words.  
“Y’know I've wanted to say something to you for a while now, but I've never been able to find the right moment. We've always been in the middle of trying to stop the end of the freaking world and there never seemed like a good time to say it…”  
He knew Dean was trailing off but it was different this time because he'd already begun hearing the muffling of Dean’s speech.  
_No no no! He could drift off now. Dean was trying to tell him something important._

The next time Cas heard Dean speaking, his heart cracked. Dean was so broken.  
“Cas, it been six days. Please, please wake up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I promised fluff and trust me it's coming next chapter.


	3. Chapter 3

By day six, Dean could feel his soul sinking deeper and deeper. He didn't want to give up hope, he would never do that, but the doubts wouldn't leave him.  
As he was absent-mindedly trailing designs over Cas’ hand, he felt the fingers twitch. It started with just small, short movements, but soon, for the first time, the hand held his back.   
“Cas. Hey, Cas.” Dean tried to keep his voice low but his body wanted to yell.  
It took another five minutes before Cas was able to open his eyes.  
“Dean…” His voice was much weaker than Cas expected.  
“You ok? You with me?  
“I think it is fairly obvious that I am present in this room, Dean.”  
Cas was definitely back.

It still took time for Cas to recover properly and for his body to adjust to being fully awake again. Thankfully, he wasn't a human, otherwise he would have had to spend much longer making up for lack of eating or drinking.   
The two spent half an hour or so talking about nothing much at all, allowing Cas to regain his voice. Dean was sat in the same wooden chair as before and Cas was on the bed, this time sitting rather than lying.  
However, the topic of conversation soon turned to one that had been resting in the back of both of their minds. Although it was for different reasons.  
“When I was unconscious… You spoke to me.” Cas was blunt as always. Dean hesitated slightly before affirming the statement. _Cas knows that I spoke to him. Is that just because he heard the noise? Or did he actually hear the words? Did he hear me say…?_  
Deans brain was going into panic mode.  
“You told me that you needed to tell me something important, but I blacked out before I heard what you were going to say. What was it?” Wide blue eyes locked Dean’s, imploring. Dean dropped his gaze to his hands, which were currently clasped in his lap, absent of Cas’ for the first time in days.  
There was a twisting inside his stomach, his mind in conflict. This was his way out. He didn't need to be rejected. He could make something up. But with those innocent eyes looking up at him… He couldn't lie.   
Maybe this was a good thing. Dean had been searching for the perfect moment to talk to Cas, maybe this was finally it. He took a moment to gather his thoughts and prepare himself for what he was about to do.  
After a brief pause he began speaking, “I have wanted to talk to you, for so long. But I always put it off because I could never find the right time,” _and because I was a wimp_ “I love you.”  
It was out there. The words were out of his mouth, and Cas was awake to hear them. Neither of them knew what to say for a few moments. Dean was the first to speak, this time quiet and tentative, “I've loved you for years. I'm sorry I never told you. It don't expect you to feel the same, y’know, being an angel and everything. You can just forget about this.”  
He cursed himself internally, he really didn't mean to say that last part. God, he didn't want to sound pathetic. When had Dean ever sounded so unsure? He battled with himself internally over what to say next for so long he didn't realise Cas was still silent.

The moment the words ‘I love you’ came out of Dean's mouth, Cas froze. His mind took several moments to sort through the he facts. Dean _loved_ him. Dean the same man who, as far Cas was aware, had only expressed interest in women. Dean who had made multiple jokes asserting his sexuality.   
Cas may not possess the best social skills, but it was clear from the way that Dean had spoken the words that it wasn't just the brotherly love he had for Sam.   
He was so lost in his own thoughts that he only just realised what Dean had said afterwards, _I don't expect you to feel the same._   
He wasn't sure what the correct way to respond was, so kept it simple.  
“I love you too.”

“Um… What?” _Great work Winchester, real eloquent._  
“I love you too, Dean.”   
The two men sat in silence, gazing at each other, until Dean cracked. He let a smile grace a feature, a wide, genuine smile.  
“So, um, what now?”   
“well, according to your movies I believe that in these situations this is generally the bit where people kiss.”  
He tried and failed to suppress the smirk at how _Cas_ that statement was. That beautiful, dorky angel had his own unique way of doing everything. And Dean loved it.

Cas watched as Dean smiled to himself, before leaning over to pick one of Cas’ hands off the bed and brought it to his lips, tenderly kissing his knuckles. The brush of lips over his skin was faint, but the sensation it left behind was burned there. Dean dropped the hand, but kept it held between his. Somehow it felt like it belonged there.  
Letting go of all his doubts and hesitations, he leaned in closer and finally let their lips meet. The kiss was tender and sweet and let Dean screaming at himself for not doing this sooner.   
When the two broke apart neither could contain their happiness. They continued talking and kissing and never did Dean let go of the hand clasped in his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter three WOOP WOOP
> 
> And at last something happier. Sorry the ending is sort of rushed and finishes awkwardly. I'm really bad with endings.
> 
> Either way I hope you enjoyed :)


End file.
